Year of Motion

src/posts/2024/2024-12-15-year-of-motion.md

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+---
+title: "Year of Motion"
+permalink: /year-of-motion/index.html
+date: 2024-12-20T20:30:27Z
+description: It's me, I'm the object.
+image: motion.jpg
+tags: 
+  - Goals
+  - Yearly Theme
+---
+
+{% include 'image.njk',
+  src: "motion.jpg",
+  position: "banner",
+%}
+
+> 1. An object at rest tends to stay at rest. An object in motion tends to stay in motion.
+> 2. The acceleration of an object depends on its mass, and the amount of force applied.
+> 3. For every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction.
+>
+> Sir Isaac Newton, 1686
+
+As of last week, I had 0 plans to do a yearly theme for 2025.
+
+It's not that I don't like them. I do; I think "theme" is a much better idea than "resolution". I'm not resolving to Do A Thing, I'm setting intentions to sculpt my life in such a way that The Thing becomes a priority. It's a different way of thinking, and one that I've found myself really enjoying.
+
+But no plan survives contact with the enemy. Or the birth of a child. Or changing jobs. Or moving across the state. Or the ADHD diagnosis. Or. Or. Or.
+
+## Recap
+
+2022 was [The Year of the Garden](/year-of-the-garden/). It was all about prioritizing the habits that would be important to me & my family as we welcomed my daughter into the world. I needed to Harvest the established habits I wanted to maintain, Prune back the habits that were desired but growing out of control, Sowing new habits to have in my life, and Razing the habits that no longer served me.
+
+2023 was [The Year of Sustenance](/year-of-sustenance/). I had essentially copy/pasted the previous theme, feeling a bit *laissez-faire* about the whole ordeal. And wouldn't you know it, ***I got exactly as much out of it as I put in to crafting it for myself*** (which is to say, practically nothing).
+
+2024 was [The Year of Understanding](/year-of-understanding/). I tried to build a couple blocks on top of this, but the core was me trying to analyze and deep dive into not just the *what* or *how* in my life, but the *why*. Am I experiencing road blocks on something over and over again? *Why is that?*
+
+Two things happened in 2024 that really helped me understand the *why* more:
+
+- In March, [I received an adult ADHD diagnosis](/the-kool-aid-pitcner/).
+- In July, I started going to therapy.
+
+When I tell you that the combination of these two things was earth-shattering for me, know that it's a huge understatement. For so long, I have been white-knuckling my life, because I kept telling myself "well things aren't THAT bad, I'm ok, I'll get through this", over and over and over again.[^1] And then, I finally buckled down, advocated for myself, got the diagnosis, got the right medication[^2], and find a therapist that listens and, more importantly, challenges me in ways I've never before considered.
+
+[^1]: Hint: don't do this.
+[^2]: One med worked great, but the side effects were miserable. My current med works well, but now I have to seek out a particular manufacturer, because the other ones seem ineffective.
+
+I am not whole, nor am I healed. But so many of the puzzle pieces from years past have just clicked in to place, explaining so much about *why* I thought or said or did the things I did. And now, I have a framework to build off of.
+
+## Deliberations
+
+There was no deliberation this year. There was no plan, and then suddenly, the word was there for me.
+
+## 2025 - Year of Motion
+
+One thing I talk about in therapy is how sometimes, it can be difficult for me to start on something, especially now that my free time is more limited due to being a dad. I love analogies[^3], and the way I described it to my therapist was that my brain is like a car with a bad starter, parked on a hill. There are some (many [ok, most]) days where my brain simply will not turn over. I have the time allocated, the plan in place, but I'll just be unable to start doing the activity.
+
+[^3]: I've realized that the reason I like analogies so much is because for so long, I've *known* that my brain has been wired differently, so I tried to put things into a perspective that can make sense to everyone. It's not flawless, but it's something.
+
+But, some days I can trick my brain[^4]. If I can do something small, something so miniscule that it seems inconsequential, that can be akin to popping the parking brake, turning the wheels towards the road, and rolling downhill. I get momentum. I'm in Motion.
+
+[^4]: It's a skill I've gotten very good at in the past 9 months, as I Understand (see?) more about how people with ADHD are wired.
+
+This isn't foolproof; there are plenty of days where that motion just fizzles and doesn't amount to anything. But the more I've put this into place, the more I've practiced and refined what this looks like for me, the fewer false starts I have, the more the engine turns over, and the better I feel about myself.
+
+And that, right there, was Understanding paying dividends for the entire year, and giving me something to carry into the new year.
+
+Here's what I've landed on for me to direct my focus towards:
+
+### Perfection Requires Failure
+
+> "Life before death. Strength before weakness. Journey before destination."
+>
+> The First Ideal of the Knights Radiant
+
+I want to be perfect out of the gate. 10,000 hours? Nah, if I can't juggle right away I'm no longer interested. I don't even want to open this Woobles crochet kit that I've had for almost 2 years because I'm afraid I'll be terrible. ***I'm so concerned about the destination, that I don't even think about the journey to get there.*** And that's neither helpful, nor is it healthy.
+
+Motion is movement. Movement doesn't mean perfection; movement means trying something. I "taught" myself how to spin a pen this year. I still fling it across the room 75% of the time, and that's ok - I'm still learning. It's ok to suck. I need to learn to have fun as part of the process.[^5]
+
+[^5]: I shit you not, I'm typing out a bullet list to try to organize my thoughts, and I changed *just the simple note for later me* at least 5 times. *NIC STOP IT HOLY FUCK*.
+
+### Moving Laterally Is Still Motion
+
+Motion is movement, but sideways (or backwards) motion can sometimes feel like wasted time, spinning wheels, or just being bad at something. 
+
+Like with reading; I always want to read, but sometimes the books I think I should read just aren't doing it for me right now. Or I'll be in this amazing stretch of reading 4 books in a row... and then I just stop. Energy gone. And I get frustrated about that.
+
+But sometimes, a quick sidestep is exactly what's needed. A book I haven't read in a while that I really like? Pick that up, blaze through it, and suddenly that fire has been re-kindled[^6] for reading once again. Moving in a direction other than "straight ahead" can sometimes help build momentum, and that momentum can be used to achieve my goals.
+
+[^6]: Pun not intended.
+
+### Take The Most Important Step
+
+> "The most important step a man can take. It's not the first one, is it? It's the next one. Always the next step."
+>
+> Dalinar Kohlin, to himself
+
+(Forgive me, I just finished Brandon Sanderson's "Wind and Truth", so I'm spewing out quotes from across the Stormlight Archive. They seem... relevant.)
+
+The last time I started on a project, I sat down, ripped through a bunch of tutorials, and started poking at stuff. I knew I wasn't knowledgable about everything I was doing, and I was cool with learning. I was willing to take steps backwards or sideways to find the answers, and move forward once I had them.
+
+And then... one day, I just stopped.
+
+I don't know why. Maybe I was busy. Maybe something else occupied my time. Maybe I was upset at the progress I was (or wasn't) making. But for whatever reason, there was no motion. I had just stalled. And now, thinking about getting back into it, I go "ah jeez, I'll *have* to take steps back to remember what I was doing... ugh, that seems like a lot" and I don't touch it.
+
+People always say "oh just start, that'll be fine! Once you get going, you're golden!" And there's validity to that. Fear of that first step can be a lot. But the first step will never be the most important one.
+
+The most important step is the next step.
+
+Without building the habits, without repetition, without the willingness to fail, without the willingness to step backwards before moving forwards again, we stall, we stop, we freeze, and we sit in the stillness. And that's not helpful. Consistency is the most important thing. Habits aren't formed overnight, and until I have that momentum, I must be intention about putting one metaphorical foot in front of the other. (I also need to spend more time doing the thing, and less time thinking about the best ways to track the stuff. A cool chart is meaningless without data points to put on it.[^7])
+
+[^7]: Occasionally, I can put my brain on autopilot and just word vomit a bunch of notes about something I want to write about. This was one of those notes, and I feel very called out by my inner brain right now.
+
+---
+
+So there we go. 2025 is The Year of Motion. Perfection Requires Failure. Moving Laterally Is Still Motion. Take The Most Important Step.
+
+Let's see how this goes.